Wednesday, January 30, 2013

My Biggest Flaw

My biggest flaw? Clearly, it's my humility.

Sorry, I just had the sudden impulse to say that. Okay, starting over, getting serious ...

First, I guess there's the obvious. SIN! If it weren't for sin, I'd be a pretty great guy. But I guess that sort of goes without saying. So let me shift gears for a bit.

My biggest physical flaw is probably my eyesight. I inherited extreme nearsightedness from both parents and had to wear coke-bottle-bottom glasses by the time I was in second grade. My glasses grew progressively heavier and by the time I was in high school I had a permanent dent in the bridge of my nose from where the glasses had rested there, the nose-pieces breaking off constantly. (The scar is still there to this day, you can see it if you look closely enough.)

Anyway, technically I'm legally blind. Most people don't know this because I wear contact lenses now (I have ever since I decided, in my junior year of high school, attracting pretty girls was worth sacrificing a little bit of comfort). But without my lenses I walk into walls. They do a pretty good job correcting my vision, but can't do anything about the hundreds of floaters that come with the territory when you have extreme nearsightedness. (Which results from an elongation of the eyeballs, which also results in fibers detaching from the sides of the eye and floating around in your aqueous fluid.) It can be pretty distracting at times. Imagine seeing a swarm of gnats in front of your face constantly! But after 38 years I guess you just learn to deal with stuff like that.

But I suppose what this blog topic is intended for is something more like a character flaw, right? And if I had to name a character flaw, it would have to be that, like Jacob of the Old Testament, I'm pretty sneaky. I have a hard time being honest about what I am feeling, about what I am going through, about my motivations. The desire for people to think well of me is a powerful drive in my life, and as a result I struggle with these things. I really would like to give that one to the Lord and be rid of it, once and for all, but it doesn't actually seem to work like that, unfortunately.

There are other flaws, of different stripes. Working style flaws (I'm pretty ADD, have a hard time focusing on something other than the project at hand), mental flaws (I have pretty weak powers of observation for someone with a 7-year degree in journalism), social flaws (I know I talk way too much, when I should be listening). And the list goes on.

I could be rather easily overwhelmed and discouraged by my many flaws. The physical flaws, not so bad; the mental flaws are worse; and the character flaws worst of all. Those you feel like you should somehow be able to control, to do something about.

I guess what keeps me going is the knowledge that God has given me the privilege and responsibility for laying it all down at the Cross. Think about it: Someday we will cast our crowns at His feet. If we can lay down those things which are good, why can't we also lay down the bad things?

1 comment:

Kristin Mahoney said...

As much as admitting your flaws can be difficult, I have to say that it is comforting that I'm not the only one who can be ADD about getting stuff done, sometimes misses the obvious, and talks too much. : )